Hard to believe I'm revisiting this subject.
My sincere thanks to Jason Hare from Popdose, who steered me to this article from Billboard magazine entitled "Oates, Mustache Make Cartoon Crime-Fighting Team." That's right, as in John Oates:
Left: With mustache, pushing Daryl Hall out of the picture.
Right: Without mustache, but somehow less Oatey.
But this cartoon might change all that! It's not clear from the description as to whether the mustache itself acts on behalf of Oates, or if there's an alterna-Oates that wears the mustache and does all the crime fighting. I guess I'll have to wait and see.
In the meantime, I'd like your answer to this question: what other celebrity body parts merit stories of their own? (Or, in the alternative, whose mullet most deserves screen time?)
For example, I should think that an entire theatrical release could be devoted to Mick Jagger's lips. But the subsequent TV series adaptation would have to use Steven Tyler's lips, just because they're more affordable at that stage of production.
(Author's Note: I've been slow to add keywords to Brevity, but this post has prompted me to add facial hair. Now I'll go back and find every reference of facial hair I've ever made, especially "beards" of the fake marital variety.)
In one corner: The Dark Knight. In the other: Mamma Mia!
Leave it to Persepolis to put things into perspective. Thank you, Marjane Satrapi; Batman it is.
Possibly a recurring feature here at Brevity. I was referred to this quiz by Matthew Baldwin, in which he takes 50 songs and rearranges their lyrics... in alphabetical order. He's removed all capitalization and the repeated use of any word. After all that, it's amazing how short (and similar to one another) the songs look.
Some people may be able to internalize a collection of words and visualize the song, but for the rest of us, it helps to look for titles ("yesterday"), uncommon words/names (like "scaramouche") or rhyming words ("higher" and "pyre") to figure them out.
Once you waste a couple of hours there, feel free to try my contributions below. It helps that each is wordy and includes at least one uncommon word. 1.
a again ahead and are barely battle battles beat between build but car catch causing clearing come comes counting cup deluge don't door dream drum end ever feeling freedom get heart hey hole i'm in is it's know let liberation lost many me my never no now of only over page paper possessions proof relief right road roof see shadows steps suspicion t.v. tales the them there there's they to today towing traveling try turn us walking wall war waste we when while win with within without won't world you you'll you're your
2.
a ability agility and are away be been better blessed blood bob born brother brow bucket but by can't 'cause chug-a-lug come confide continue cough dance dancin' daughter deliver distress do don't down drink everybody excess feelin' feeling fertility for free from get give giver gone gonna good goodness got greedy he heart hell her his hoosegow how hug i i'm i've if in is it juice kaiser keep kingpin know less let life like little long love lovin' low lucky mama marley material me miser mobility mom more my never no now of off on or papa pauper people piggies poet powwow prophet put realize receive reeling right river rock say scrub sea see she shiver smart stop swimmin' talk taught tell than the then there's time times to unimpressed up upriser walkin' wanna want warm water what when wisely wiser with wither won't yes you you'll you've young your
3.
a across all an and are as at be better black blessed blows boat built bury but by came church city cold come congregations could crazy crows crumbled did died dying earth edge empire endlessly exists eye falling fat father ferry final flapping flowed fog for found from fussing garrison geese get go gods good had having he hear here him home horses house how i i’d if in inherit is it jesus laughing learn left light like lived looked make man men murder my needle never night northern not october of offer old on one only our out place play poor prayed prayers priestly priests rite river romans round sad saw sea seagulls serve shall shire silent sodium sound spoken stone stones sun swear take teach teachers tear temple than that the their then these they this ‘til time to today told tonight tower town two up us used walking wall was way were what where which wind winter's words workmen world worth youngGuess the song titles in the comments.
UPDATE! Quinn the Brain used her, uh, brain to solve all three. So avoid the comments if you'd like to solve them yourself. Then, if you're done and hungering for more, I'd recommend clicking over to this forum thread I started to see if other members post some more.
Still settling in. But if you're really hankering for some of my writing, go here. I've contributed to the new blog Popdose as a guest author of their feature CHART ATTACK!
I revisit the Top 10 songs from this week in the year 1976. Click over and check it out.
Whatever happened to popular music?
Sure, I'm not the best judge of this, as I find music the least essential of all entertainment media; given the choice, I would rather be deaf than blind. Heck, I'd rather have my legs than my ears. But music historians -- assuming they exist, getting paychecks and everything -- would probably agree with me when I say that 2007 was a truly sucky year for singles.
If you ask me, though, I think the music in television commercials has improved, and YouTube has given everyone their own music search engine and video archive. So now I wonder if radio (at least the terrestrial version) is no longer a relevant way to find and listen to music. Or, in the alternative, that corporate radio has become so afraid to play new music that they wait until it becomes famous elsewhere (case in point: Feist). I'll love to hear some opinions on this subject.
Anyway, I had a moderately difficult time last year narrowing down a 10-best list. This year I can't even think of 10. A decent minority of the songs released were okay, but only a few are noteworthy here. So here are the 7 exceptions to the rule that the entire year in music was useless:
7. "Dashboard" by Modest Mouse. In 2004's great debate of Modest Mouse vs. Franz Ferdinand -- whose respective songs "Float On" and "Take Me Out" became popular at roughly the same time -- I sided firmly with the latter. But a few years and a Smiths guitarist later, there's no need to be modest.
6. "You Know I'm No Good" by Amy Winehouse. In 2007's great debate of Amy Winehouse vs. Lily Allen, I sided firmly with... you get the idea. Sorry, but I just prefer fun self-mocking crazy over scary trainwreck crazy. But I have to hand it to Winehouse for getting it just right on this track.
5. "Paralyzer" by Finger Eleven. Once upon a time, I wasn't so fond of this act either. Over at Mostly Modern Media, I commented that 2007's ubiquitous suckfest "Hey There Delilah" was the most boring song to play on the radio since this band's 2003 hit "One Thing." But "Paralyzer" seems downright fun -- I certainly hope they're not being serious -- and its video seems to re-envision The Matrix as a shampoo commercial (maybe for this hair care line).
4. "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne. Yeah, I know. But you have to give her credit for taking herself lightly this one time. Even though she took the Toni Basil route, I can't help but wonder why this song wasn't "Mickey" popular. I mean, this could be a great for marketing Bring It On 4: In It to Win It. If that's not happening already.
3. "The Pretender" by Foo Fighters. I've never really given the Foo their due. Sure, I've appreciated their videos over the years (especially this parody of Mentos commercials), and their consistent output of rock albums is a rarity in this day and age. So let me publish a statement I've said privately, and mostly to deaf ears: Foo Fighters is the best band Dave Grohl's ever been involved with. My apologies for the delay. (Here's the video.)
2. "Over It" by Katharine McPhee. She's too chameleonic with her voice. Worked to her advantage on American Idol, but on her album it's distracting. With this song, however, she's not trying to sound like someone else. Pity this wasn't a hit; it's easily one of the best 5 songs ever released by a former contestant. Also: pretty.
1. "Stronger" by Kanye West. The near-annual event album, this song, its video... doesn't it seem like he's the only one who's trying anymore? It's like Daft Punk is in his basement, and everyone else is skipping the party. Thanks, Kanye. With your massive ego comes massive effort. (That goes for you too, Rainn Wilson.)
I know Rolling Stone has formulated several all-time lists, so many that you could rank them in order of worthlessness. But have they (or anyone else reputable) ever compiled a definitive list of the greatest rock bands of all time? Like, a real list, with no cheating: sneaking in solo artists, including genres outside of rock, etc.
Because I have a few questions:
1. Who's number 1?
2. Who's number 3?
3. Does U2 make the top 5?
4. How many American bands make the top 10?
5. Which woman will appear on the list first: a musician like Tina Weymouth, or a frontwoman like Grace Slick?
6. Will backup bands like the E Street Band and Crazy Horse get respect?
7. Aside from the Jimi Hendrix Experience, Bob Marley and the Wailers, and maybe Prince and the Revolution, does the list look entirely white?
8. If the bands are graded, does Guns 'n Roses get an incomplete?
9. What's a good length for this kind of list: 10? 100? 1,000?
10. How inflated would Nirvana's ranking be this time?
My more musically-inclined readers (and the rest of us) are free to speculate and share their own preferences here.
Specifically, I was waiting for K-Lyn of And She Was... to send me photos of her recent Beatles-themed birthday. (Read her invitation here and check out the Yellow Submarine cake here.) She finally e-mailed them, and I was pleased to see some very simple but effective costumes. Those really are the best kind. I won't post the photos here, but see if you can guess the Beatles song by the outfit description:
1. The birthday girl had a sunshine sphere dangled above and in front of her.
2. Some guy with a 1040 form taped onto him.
3. The co-host adhered colorful plastic Easter eggs to his sweatshirt.
4. Some lady had bathroom drapes draped around her.
5. The other co-host wore her MLS jersey boasting the New England team.
Though I could not attend, I would like to echo K-Lyn's shout-out to Quinn the Brain and her spouse for graciously hosting the event in their house, with the lovely kitchen and the awesome wooden flooring. Can I make an early request that you do the same for my 34th birthday next September?
I was thinking of doing a Rolling Stones theme (click the band name, not the picture above, and here's the transcript). It wouldn't be hard. We'd all just sit around, keep doing what we always do, and see how old we would get.
But it was nice of them to include Grant Hill among the many people (celebrities and unknowns) who lip synch to their song "Rockstar." He appears here (at 1:49) and later at the 3:35 mark.
If you must, the video is here.
This seems like a good time to unleash some random bullets.
- Right now I'm enjoying Low Resolution's bracketology approach to deciding the best actor of the last 10 years. True to form, he starts with a field of 64, with some especially cruel first-round matchups. Then he pares them down by a set of criteria, including my favorite, a hypothetical Zoolander-esque walkoff. (He did the same thing with actresses last summer, substituting a hypothetical girlfight.)
- I didn't watch it, but why was there a Concert for Diana yesterday? Where's the benefit? While charities may have been involved, they certainly weren't advertised. Seemed like a lot of publicity without a cause. (Was Sheryl Crow involved?) That VH1 link explains that many of Diana's favorite charities will receive proceeds, but it appears as if the greater reason for the event was the coming out of Princes William and Harry as philanthropists. If so, kudos to them, as they have much better PR than their father.
- License to Wed opens this week. My parents caught a screening, and they said that Robin Williams was not that annoying. (His child assistant is the annoying one.) Anyway, there was something about the poster I found bothersome, and I'm glad to see Single File Eyes (and Defamer) agree with me. I thought I was the only one who saw that.
- Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart? This article suggests that we all do. There's a converted 7-Eleven somewhere in nearby Henderson -- gotta go find it and take pictures. Stay tuned.
Next Wednesday (April 11) has been proclaimed "Blake Lewis Day" in the city of Bothell, located 12 miles northeast of Seattle. For those only vaguely familiar with American Idol, Blake Lewis is the guy who majors in current pop songs and minors in scatting.
I thought it would be nice to reprint the proclamation.
WHEREAS, the City of Bothell supports all its citizens in the pursuit of fulfilling their dreams and achieving success; and
WHEREAS, the television show, American Idol, is watched weekly by millions of Americans; and
WHEREAS, thousands of young talented men and women audition to become a contestant on American Idol; and
WHEREAS, from the thousands of auditions, only twenty-four are selected as contestants to begin a grueling competition; and
WHEREAS, Blake Lewis, a citizen of Bothell, was not only selected as a contestant but was also chosen to compete as a Top 12 Finalist for the opportunity to become the first American Idol from Washington State; and
WHEREAS, Blake Lewis has brought positive community spirit to Bothell by sharing his talent and ambition with the world.
NOW, THEREFORE, in honor of Blake’s achievements thus far and encouragement for all his future endeavors, I, Mark Lamb, Mayor of the City of Bothell, to hereby declare April 11, 2007, as
Blake Lewis Day
See? City council business isn't always so stuffy.
The most interesting part of this story, at least for me, is that I went to school with Mark Lamb, the mayor of Bothell. We were in the same graduating class. And he's already running a city.
Just imagine: had I made different choices, I could be a mayor now. Not here in Las Vegas, obviously, but somewhere. And then I could address the city council by saying "There's a new sheriff in town." Oh wait, maybe I should just run for sheriff.55 Fiction Friday notes that Washington has another finalist.Story forthcoming.
When it comes to rappers turned actors, there's Will Smith, and then there's everybody else. (They shouldn't feel bad. Newsweek just named Smith "the new most powerful actor on the planet.") So who's the distant second? Queen Latifah has the Oscar nomination and steady work, but she hasn't carried a movie by herself. Ice-T has found a niche in the Law & Order franchise. Ludacris is coming along slowly in ensembles. Snoop Dogg basically plays a version of himself in featured roles.
What about Ice Cube? He's managed a steady and profitable career as a movie actor since his feature debut as Doughboy in Boyz n the Hood. More importantly, he's had an excellent track record as a producer, becoming a major player in Hollywood. He's already taken three low-budget comedies -- Friday, Barbershop, and Are We There Yet? -- and made them franchises. Barbershop alone generated a sequel, a spinoff film, and a TV show.
In the public eye, he's made the unlikely transformation from N.W.A. member and hardcore soloist (his CD The Predator is a personal favorite) to family man. Nothing about Doughboy prepared me for this career trajectory. And I found it interesting that while Boyz costar Cuba Gooding Jr. peaked in 1996, it's Ice Cube that gets to play the romantic lead opposite Nia Long now.
All of this is a long way of saying that I saw an advanced screening of Are We Done Yet?
While the subject of home improvement falls dangerously into Tim Allen territory, the movie is harmlessly entertaining. Nick Persons (Cube) has married Suzanne (Long), and now his bachelor digs are too small for the family. So they move from Portland to the Oregon countryside and become enamored of a spacious fixer-upper. There they encounter Chuck (John C. McGinley of TV's Scrubs), a jack of all trades who has a weird way of helping out. Humor ensues of the slapstick (but not grossout) variety.
This sequel is also a remake of 1948's Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House (written by Melvin Frank & Norman Panama, who, in the small world of Brevity, were previously discussed here). The difference shows; the only common link to Are We There Yet? is the principal cast, and even their relationships have changed. This kind of reinvention bodes well for future installments: you can imagine scribes working on treatments for Are We Home Yet? (vacation gone awry), Are We Rich Yet? (spoiled relatives try to block an inheritance), and Are We Shrek Yet? (magical spell transforms Nick into an ogre).
I've paid mild attention to American Idol, but really get into it once it's down to 12 finalists. With DVR, I can just watch the wrap-up clips of the contestants and decide which I want to hear in its entirety (or for which I want to watch the judges' responses).
Normally I start playing favorites around now, but I'd rather address the curious case of Sanjaya Malakar. I saw him and his sister in the auditions, and made a mental note to follow their progress. I mean, Indian-American idols? What a bizarre way to advance the ethnicity! I'm on board!
Interestingly, also on board are Howard Stern and Vote for the Worst. While their intentions are unclear -- is it the frizzy hair? -- I'll take the support. Because this is what everyone needs to realize: enough people who watch American Idol are voting for an Indian guy. This means, in all likelihood, that white teenage girls are voting for him (a theory posed here). And this is a good thing for every awkward, too-skinny Indian high schooler trying to fit in. Trust me, I know.
Voting for older and better singers may be wise. But voting for Sanjaya is actually important.55 Fiction Friday hung out in the chemistry lab after school.The hit show's producers decided to try something different.
Whittle the field to 64 singers and divide them into four groups: Stevie Wonder wannabes, soulful divas, Southern rockers, and punk chicks. Keep Randy and Simon, but replace Paula with Dick Vitale.
Ratings were about the same. The winner had old school appeal but mid-major talent.
Last week I addressed the disturbing similarity between Maryland women's basketball coach Brenda Frese and Randall Boggs of Monsters, Inc.
This week I'd like to do the opposite. That is, distinguish between two people that both laypersons and scholars are unable to tell apart: John Maynard Keynes and Maynard James Keenan.
For the record, John Maynard Keynes was a British economist who contributed significantly to our understanding of that field today. Maynard James Keenan is a rock musician best known as the lead singer of the bands Tool and A Perfect Circle. But yeah, it's easy to see how people get confused. There's no point putting up pictures; they're like twins.
Just for fun, try to guess which man said each of the following (use the comments for your answers):
1. "I would rather be vaguely right, than precisely wrong."
2. "I am just a worthless liar. I am just an imbecile."
3. "There has been no common purpose lately between nations or between classes, except for war."
4. "Someone feed the monkey while I dig in search of China."
5. "You must have spent much time eating apples and talking to the serpent!"
6. "I need to watch things die from a good safe distance."
7. "In the long run, we are all dead."
I'm not the first person to have to make this distinction (or use the last quote). That honor goes to Sam Logan, creator of the comic strip Sam and Fuzzy, at the bottom of this page.55 Fiction Friday is often mistaken for TGI Friday's.
Recognizing imminent defeat, the Persian general summoned the scribe. He characterized the battle in great detail, and secured safe passage of the scrolls to England.
Still, he was concerned. "Will my tale be preserved for posterity?"
The scribe was confident. "Sir, generations will know it. With any luck, it will make a kick-ass graphic novel."
Nearly 23 years later, Cobra Kai has emerged victorious. Check out the video for "Sweep the Leg" by No More Kings. It was written and directed by William Zabka, the best teen movie villain of the 1980s and an Academy Award nominee in 2004.
The video features the members of Cobra Kai from The Karate Kid all grown up, including the sensei (Martin Kove) and prize pupil Johnny (Zabka). Despite sacrificing their vanity for the sake of entertainment, they hold up quite well. Also look for a couple of cameos in the beginning and end. Can't say I love the song, which has novelty value at best.
While I'm nostalgic, go to DeLorean.com. Under "Parts Search," enter 18851985 and see what happens. Then try 19852015.
Rest in peace on Earth, James Brown.
I have spent nothing on music this year. Before you call the feds, realize that I own neither an portable MP3 player nor a working CD player in the car. This limits my musical options to the library, YouTube, and terrestrial radio (formerly known as "radio").
Reviewing my list from last year, I'm pleased to discover no embarrassing choices. Here's hoping I can say the same for this 2006 lineup of my fave singles, powered mostly by estrogen. (Links to YouTube videos provided, copyright willing.)
10. "Knights of Cydonia" by Muse. With the disbanding of The Darkness, where else can we go for melodramatic, overproduced Spinal Tappish rock? Okay, Tenacious D, but also these guys. This track sounds like Thom Yorke fronting Queen, but the video strongly suggests they're not serious.
9. "Call Me When You're Sober" by Evanescence. Didn't care for this "Bring Me to Life" rehash the first few times, but the video grew on me. It helps that I have a mild crush on Amy Lee, and her giggle at the end is a killer.
In an alternate world, she would be Circe Nightshade, host of Goth Talk, and I would be her Azrael Abyss, Prince of Sorrow.
8. "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood. Unimpressed with Nashville this year, so this crossover hit -- by an American Idol, no less -- will have to do. Great lyrics and vocal delivery, even if I don't believe her hostility in the video for a second.
7. "Put Your Records On" by Corrine Bailey Rae. I'd argue that it sounds and looks like a blend between Erykah Badu and Norah Jones, but you'd reply, "Yeah, a lightly roasted blend." Okay, it's Starbucks music. Sue me.
6. "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree" by K.T. Tunstall. This song mostly reminds me of Rebecca Romijn and Katharine McPhee because of Pepper Dennis and American Idol, so it's difficult to imagine its existence as an independent song by another person. Catchy as hell. Good album, too. Never saw the video until now.
5. "King Without a Crown (live)" by Matisyahu. As a rule, I prefer a clear studio recording to a noisy live version. (That's why I skip concerts.) But here's a glorious exception: compare the live performance to the inert video.
4. "Fully Alive" by Flyleaf. The best Evanescence song of the year is by another band. (I'm more of a "Going Under" person.) I could do without the clichéd video, which only seems to confirm that they do, apparently, rock.
3. "Smile" by Lily Allen. It's strictly a YouTube discovery, as the album hasn't been released stateside. Naughty and clever. The regular version is very good. But listen to the sped-up chipmunk version and you won't go back.
2. "Not Ready to Make Nice" by the Dixie Chicks. It's an ordinary song made extraordinary by circumstance, and yet it wasn't nearly as big as it should have been. In interviews, the trio stress solidarity in their anti-Bush sentiment, but watch the video: it's clear that Natalie Maines acted alone.
1. "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley. As if #1 could be anything else. So utterly simple in its creation and execution that music historians have to wonder why it wasn't created earlier. Even the video is so basic you'd think it was Godley and Creme, early 1980s. Fan fervor may have since subsided, but make no mistake: this is the closest thing to a standard the hip-hop generation has ever created, and it will sound relevant decades from now.
Honorable mention: "The Avon Lady part 1" by Kal Penn and Chester Tam. In the year of viral videos, it's the best. See why.
Dishonorable mention: By and large, male soft rock sucks: Nickelback, Hinder, The Fray (notable for whining in spondaic tetrameter), James Blunt, Daniel Powter. Go away.
I got a chance to see in advance one of the movies I'd find most groovy. I speak of Idlewild, the movie starring Andre 3000 and Big Boi of Outkast. I didn't expect a lot -- maybe a feature-length, above-average music video -- but it holds together pretty well as both period piece and musical.
First, the movie looks terrific. The clothes and sets were fun to watch, if not historically accurate. One of Outkast's strengths is their ability to depict a revised history, where entertainers of mass appeal aren't necessarily white. Their colorization of the past is subtle and unchallenged, so that you readily accept it as fact. I know, if only.
Second, their musical skills are up to the challenge. Their approach is all-out and risky, and Big Boi tends to get a bit anachronistic in his rhymes, but it's enjoyable. Not always brilliant, and at times wildly inconsistent, but at least they're trying. And they're still miles ahead of everyone else when it comes to their sound. There are a few who could approximate it -- Danger Mouse, Beck, and the people Moby samples come to mind -- but there's no denying that what you hear is unmistakably Outkast.
Third, it's hilarious. You watch master thespians like Cicely Tyson, Ving Rhames, and Terrence Howard clearly not doing their best work with their one-note characters, and it doesn't matter. Because they're all having fun. The spirit is infectious and irreverent. A few scenes seem a bit melodramatic, but there's not really a false acting moment. Well, except for Macy Gray, who embodies the same sassy loudmouth that she played in Training Day and Domino.
Finally, some appreciation for writer/director Bryan Barber, who's directed a handful of Outkast videos, and manages to combine his short-form cinematic tricks with some decent writing ability. The result is a much more coherent effort than most movies with rock stars trying to act. Andre 3000 and Big Boi are good enough for the big screen; as I watched, I couldn't resist making comparisons to Prince and Morris Day in their primes.
Back in October I discussed the divination of Daria, in which the cheerleader and quarterback were named Britney and Kevin, perhaps anticipating America's favorite unclassy couple.
Lest you think that was a random coincidence, I found another when re-listening to Trisha Yearwood's 1991 song "She's in Love with the Boy" on the radio. Read the lyrics; who knew she'd be predicting TomKat?
55 Fiction Friday wonders if Mr. and Mrs. Holmes ever hear that song and just start to cry.“Once Phyllis found her flaxen hair had frizzed further than fathomable, she started to study global warming...
“No, I’m not saying that women learn things out of vanity. She became an expert, you see. Taught Al Gore and everything...
“Well, I liked the alliteration. And it wasn’t some circa 1950s beehive. Leave me alone, Mom.”
It was announced this week that the theme song for the upcoming James Bond film Casino Royale will be written and recorded by rocker Chris Cornell, formerly of Soundgarden and currently with Audioslave. The title of the song is "You Know My Name."
This is fascinating news. Aside from the casting of Jeffrey Wright as CIA operative Felix Leiter, this movie has looked completely Eurocentric. I just assumed that the music would be taken out of American hands after the four hit-or-miss themes in the Pierce Brosnan era. I was wrong.
While I've never identified myself as a Chris Cornell fan -- honestly, the subject has never come up -- I haven't disliked anything he's done. I remember liking "Sunshower" from Great Expectations, which was also a solo contribution to a movie soundtrack.
55 Fiction Friday is more concerned that the film rocks.
They blamed cousin Oliver for just about everything: broken dishes, runaway garden hoses, collapsed architectural models, the death of Sam the butcher, the hole in the ozone layer, bird flu, Enron.
But they had to draw the line when they had to explain the cause of turmoil in the Middle East. That was all Scrappy-Doo.
It's Harry Potter week here at Brevity, for reasons beyond my control. Last weekend was "Harry Potter Day for Adults." (I went. Without an invisibility cloak, mind you.) This weekend I promise to review the book I'm reading, If Harry Potter Ran General Electric. And tonight I attended a free concert of the band Harry and the Potters (with opening act Draco and the Malfoys).
Setting aside the legal issues for a moment -- see Author's Note below -- it was an interesting experience. In the books, Draco always seems a bit jealous of Harry's unearned fame. The same holds true here, as the opening act was the better band.
Draco and the Malfoys are guitarists in Slytherin ties who have a 1950s surf rock sound to accompany their lyrics, which are pretty funny. Song titles include "Voldemort is Awesome" and "Hippogriffs Deserve to Die." A highlight of the set is "99 Death Eaters," sung to the tune of "99 Luftballoons."
Harry and the Potters are two brothers whose energy makes up for their lack of comparable songwriting talent. (Interestingly, one of the Malfoys changed into a Gryffindor tie and played drums. He's like the Dave Grohl of the wizarding world.) They think they're punk, but sound more like a ska version of They Might Be Giants.
Many of their songs take under a minute to perform. I felt like I was watching Calhoun Tubbs: "Harry Potter: wrote a song about it. Like to hear it? Here it goes..."
The main act also benefits from some marketing magic, with T-shirt slogans like "My guitar is a horcrux" and "Save Ginny Weasley." I was tempted to purchase, but then thought better of it.
Author's Note: look for a future post entitled "The law of tribute bands." Seriously.
You'd think this entry was about large corporations paying big bucks to name baseball parks, football fields, or basketball and hockey arenas. It's not.
As far as I know, I have no children. A lifelong allergy to cat and dog dander has rendered me petless as well. My point is this: I've never had a chance to name a living creature. The closest I've come is naming Brevity, or suggesting names for other blogs. You can argue that a weblog is organic, but it really isn't the same.
Now I have my chance. Some idiot musician is holding an open contest for a new name, and awarding $25,000 for the winning entry. (He'll collect submissions until mid-August, when he'll select ten finalists, and the winner is determined by public vote.) Each person can submit up to ten entries.
So give it a try. Maybe your suggestion will win, but there's no way you'll come up with a name better than Lando Stubblefield.
55 Fiction Friday was named for that guy in Robinson Crusoe.After years in apprenticeship, Nicolette was ready to take over the business. She had a flair for writing vaguely profound portents in 16th century French. She would make an excellent ghostwriter for the fraud everyone knew as Nostradamus.
The only problem, as far as she could figure, was keeping the DeLorean hidden behind the chateau.
Left: With mustache, pushing Daryl Hall out of the picture.
