Wednesday, March 01, 2006

March's fictional speaker

After delayed installments in January and February, it's time the fictional speaker series got back on track. We here at Brevity have been ignoring those readers who hail from
the competitive world of high finance, and come here for career advice. Feel forgotten
no more. Katharine Parker from Working Girl (pictured, right) is here to help.

Katharine Parker on job requirements: You're tough when it's warranted, accommodating when you can be, you're accurate, you're punctual, and you never make a promise you can't keep.

On professional entrances: Thank God I'm here!

On business attire: I consider us a team, and as such we have a uniform: simple, elegant, impeccable. "Dress shabbily, they notice the dress. Dress impeccably, they notice the woman." Coco Chanel.

On availability: I'm never on another line, I'm in a meeting.

On office politics: Never burn bridges. Today's junior prick, tomorrow's senior partner!

On using sports metaphors: I'd love to help you, but we can't busy the quarterback with passing out the Gatorade.

On professional ethics: I really don't think that's a variable.

On harassment: My apartment in one hour, and I won't take no for an answer. No, I won't take no for an answer.

On self starters: You don't get anywhere in this world by waiting for what you want to come to you. You make it happen.

On contract formalities: I say... pass me a set of papers and let's get on with it.

On cooperation: I welcome your ideas and I like to see hard work rewarded. It's a two-way street on my team.

On office supply thieves: Your stuff? Now there's a broad term.

On hiding evidence: This is business. Let's just bury the hatchet.

On personal assistants: I'll need help bathing and changing.

On promotions based on merit: We really don't have any more time for fairy tales.

On mergers: We're in the same city now. I've indicated that I'm receptive to an offer. I've cleared the month of June. And I am, after all, me.

On fielding audience questions: I'm sorry, but I simply won't stand for that kind of talk.

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