Monday, February 13, 2006

February's fictional speaker

We here at Brevity felt that we would be doing our readers a disservice by not addressing Black History Month with the next fictional speaker. Unfortunately, Florence from The Jeffersons (or a list of her quotes) was unavailable, so we went with our second choice: Detective Alonzo Harris from Training Day.

It's a strange selection, but we were always impressed that Denzel Washington won his second Oscar for playing a villain, rather than a noble hero or wronged man. Sure, he's Denzel Washington, but there's something remarkably progressive about deeming this role Oscar-worthy. Generally, leading men don't win Oscars for playing murderers; in recent years, only Anthony Hopkins (as Hannibal Lecter) and Jeremy Irons (as Claus von Bulow) come to mind.

Detective Alonzo Harris on introductions: Today's a training day. Show you around, give you a taste of the business. I got 38 cases pending trial, 63 in active investigations, another 250 on the log I can't clear. I supervise five officers. That's five different personalities. Five sets of problems. You can be number six if you act now. But I ain't holding no hands, okay? I ain't baby-sitting. You got today and today only to show me who and what you're made of.

On carpooling: You gotta see the streets. You gotta feel it. You gotta smell it, you gotta taste the streets. How's your EspaƱol?

On business school: Unlearn that bulls--- they teach you at the Academy. That s---'ll get you killed out here.

On sexual harassment: You move those hands again, I'll slap the taste out of your mouth. Put your hands over there. Right there.

On office monitoring: I know you ain't no snitch. Gimme a name.

On inflated resumes: Ooh, you lied to me, you lied to me. Lucky I don't make you eat that, dawg.

On cooperation: You're not making them feel like you're part of the team.

On modern cinema: King Kong ain't got s--- on me!

On office scandals: It's ugly, but it's necessary. Sometimes you gotta have a little dirt on you for anybody to trust you.

On professionalism: Why is he my friend? Because he knows my first name?

On ethics: Don't worry about it. You'll get a medal.

On surveillance: I got eyes everywhere.

On the secretarial pool: Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Look at that. Sexy, ain't it?

On job security: Yeah, I know you got secrets. Everybody got secrets.

On personal responsibility: You made the decision. Live with your decision. Ain't like I put a gun to your head.

On burying the competition: You got the picks and shovels?

On inside information: Yeah. I talked to the three wise men today. Everything's all good.

On overtime: Let's hurry up and do this so we can all go home and do the wife or the girlfriend thing.

On mediation: What's wrong with street justice?

On creative accounting: It's not what you know, it's what you can prove.

On volunteer work: Believe it or not, I do try to do some good in the community.

On break room conversation: This is a newspaper. It's 90 percent bulls---, but it's entertaining. That's why I read it, because it entertains me. You won't let me read it, so you entertain me with your bulls---. Tell me a story, right now.

On retirement: I ain't dead yet.


Adi said...

Oes Tsetnoc one of the ways in which we can learn seo besides Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa. By participating in the Oes Tsetnoc or Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa we can improve our seo skills. To find more information about Oest Tsetnoc please visit my Oes Tsetnoc pages. And to find more information about Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa please visit my Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa page and other update like as Beratnya Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa, Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa di perpanjang and Jangan Berhenti Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa. Thank you So much.

Oes Tsetnoc | Lanjutkan Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa

tablet pc barato said...

Quite useful information, much thanks for this post.