For the past few days I've been trying to wrap my mind around last weekend's sex scandal involving two cheerleaders of Charlotte's NFL team, the Carolina Panthers. (Witnesses alleged that they were having sex with each other in a Tampa bathroom, and each had assaulted another patron waiting to use the facilities. They were arrested, and soon fired from the Panthers organization.) I've been trying in vain to come up with a fresh, funny angle on the subject. Here's the problem: I believe that I may have spent so much time trying to think up the perfect title for the post that my eventual thoughts seemed derivative of what others had written.
The Panthers' website has removed the ex-cheerleaders' bios, but you can still find them here. ESPN's photo wire has their mug shots. The sports humor site Deadspin has wrapped up their extensive coverage here. Finally, thinking way ahead, someone in Los Angeles is looking for women to cast as these cheerleaders in the eventual movie. (Not sure, but this sounds like a remake of some other film. Wasn't the original version set in Dallas in the 1970s?)
Maybe I'll try the moral approach. I know it may be difficult, but if I can redirect your attention momentarily from the phrases "two cheerleaders" and "having sex with each other," I'd like to point out the word "Charlotte." These women were living and working in the Bible Belt. As a native North Carolinian, I know this region well. And I wonder whether this event was a step forward or backward in creating a painfully needed attitude of progressiveness. See, cheerleading is a weird line of work, requiring a balance between being a role model for little girls and doing just enough to garner the attention of grown men. I fear that these men, who I can attest with absolute certainty are not offended, will keep their mouths shut and fail to register their overwhelming approval. Without their support, more figures in the public eye will be forced to leave the state in order to express their same-sex leanings. Having to get it on in a Tampa bathroom? That's just a cry for change.
* Alternate titles for this post:
But I'm a cheerleader
Inside the NFL, if you know what I mean
The best damn cheerleader sex scandal story, period
Gimme an "L"!
The Dan Fielding case files
Bring it on (me)