Last month I gave you Hans Gruber. This month's speaker is no less dead, but is far more diminutive. Dear readers, I present Vizzini of The Princess Bride.
Vizzini on competitive bidding: I've hired you to help me start a war. It's an prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition.
On the hiring process: You were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic land mass!
On the firing process: Finish him. Finish him, your way.
On problem solving: Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool -- you would have counted on it -- so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
On soundproofing the office: Then there will be no one to hear you scream.
On falsifying records: As I told you, it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways inconceivable.On subtle negotiation tactics: The minute his head is in view, hit it with the rock!
On motivation: And you! Friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless! Do you want me to send you back to where you were? Unemployed... in Greenland?!?
On strategy: You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is "Never get involved in a land war in Asia," but only slightly less well known is this: "Never go in against a Sicilian, when death is on the line!"
On ownership: You're trying to kidnap what I've rightfully stolen.
On strengths and weaknesses: I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains.
On corporate scandal: And criminals are used to having people not trust them as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
On poetry: No more rhymes now, I mean it.
On OSHA reports: He didn't fall? Inconceivable!
On role playing exercises: We are but poor, lost circus performers. Is there a village nearby?
On classical education: Let me put it this way. Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates? Morons.
On a global economy: Australia is entirely peopled with criminals.
On brainstorming: Am I going mad, or did the word "think" escape your lips?
On leadership: Wait till I get going! Where was I?
On his virility: Inconceivable!
2 comments:
I've hired you to help me start a war. It's an prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition.
There are many here that you can also substitute in Bush - either coming from the ass's mouth or being said to him
APL: I only dog paddle. I can't believe I left out "Have I made it clear to you that your job is at stake?" Have to search my brain as well as IMDb for good quotes.
Julie: Bush came to my mind as well. He's really more of a Prince Humperdinck type. To the pain!
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