First ever poll!

The most popular and divisive* issue of Sports Illustrated arrives in newsstands this week. Yep, the swimsuit issue. So I must ask:

Should Brevity have a swimsuit edition?
	No!
	Hell no!
Courtesy of Pollcode.com

* It's not really all that divisive, but for some reason there are people who write letters to SI complaining about the swimsuit issue and threatening to cancel their subscriptions. It's a long history of idiocy that's as old as, well, the swimsuit issue. It's annual; don't they know it's coming? I find it funny.

Va-va-voom!

It's been a while since I've been singled out by another blog, but recently I received dual distinctions from Nathaniel Rogers, author of The Film Experience. A few weeks ago he awarded me a DVD Guide for The X-Files, in which various episodes are compiled to prepare the viewer for the upcoming movie sequel. But this week I've ascended to even more rarefied air when my reply to this post made it to the main page.

A mighty honor, given his readership. But more importantly, this kind of attention puts me in elite company with other admirers of the curvy female form: painter Peter Paul Rubens, director Russ Meyer, and rapper Sir Mix-A-Lot. Well, I guess there's Buffalo Bill from The Silence of the Lambs, but we try not to talk about him at our monthly meetings.

Orderly song lyrics

Possibly a recurring feature here at Brevity. I was referred to this quiz by Matthew Baldwin, in which he takes 50 songs and rearranges their lyrics... in alphabetical order. He's removed all capitalization and the repeated use of any word. After all that, it's amazing how short (and similar to one another) the songs look.

Some people may be able to internalize a collection of words and visualize the song, but for the rest of us, it helps to look for titles ("yesterday"), uncommon words/names (like "scaramouche") or rhyming words ("higher" and "pyre") to figure them out.

Once you waste a couple of hours there, feel free to try my contributions below. It helps that each is wordy and includes at least one uncommon word.

1.
a again ahead and are barely battle battles beat between build but car catch causing clearing come comes counting cup deluge don't door dream drum end ever feeling freedom get heart hey hole i'm in is it's know let liberation lost many me my never no now of only over page paper possessions proof relief right road roof see shadows steps suspicion t.v. tales the them there there's they to today towing traveling try turn us walking wall war waste we when while win with within without won't world you you'll you're your

2.
a ability agility and are away be been better blessed blood bob born brother brow bucket but by can't 'cause chug-a-lug come confide continue cough dance dancin' daughter deliver distress do don't down drink everybody excess feelin' feeling fertility for free from get give giver gone gonna good goodness got greedy he heart hell her his hoosegow how hug i i'm i've if in is it juice kaiser keep kingpin know less let life like little long love lovin' low lucky mama marley material me miser mobility mom more my never no now of off on or papa pauper people piggies poet powwow prophet put realize receive reeling right river rock say scrub sea see she shiver smart stop swimmin' talk taught tell than the then there's time times to unimpressed up upriser walkin' wanna want warm water what when wisely wiser with wither won't yes you you'll you've young your

3.
a across all an and are as at be better black blessed blows boat built bury but by came church city cold come congregations could crazy crows crumbled did died dying earth edge empire endlessly exists eye falling fat father ferry final flapping flowed fog for found from fussing garrison geese get go gods good had having he hear here him home horses house how i i’d if in inherit is it jesus laughing learn left light like lived looked make man men murder my needle never night northern not october of offer old on one only our out place play poor prayed prayers priestly priests rite river romans round sad saw sea seagulls serve shall shire silent sodium sound spoken stone stones sun swear take teach teachers tear temple than that the their then these they this ‘til time to today told tonight tower town two up us used walking wall was way were what where which wind winter's words workmen world worth young

Guess the song titles in the comments.

UPDATE! Quinn the Brain used her, uh, brain to solve all three. So avoid the comments if you'd like to solve them yourself. Then, if you're done and hungering for more, I'd recommend clicking over to this forum thread I started to see if other members post some more.

Three years old

Not a Pic-Tac-Toe:

Seemed appropriate to use a 3x3 grid to signify this blog's 3rd birthday. Three years of Brevity -- makes it sound kind of long-winded. (All of the images above relate in some way to the concept of Three. Let me know if any explanation is needed.)

Movin' on up

Hiatus explained!

I'm working on an in-town move. The do-it-yourself kind. Painful and time consuming. No point in blogging at the moment.

Hiatus continued.

Winding down

We here at Brevity are in the process of killing the main reason people come to this site: the Advanced Screenings Guide. Its pages will remain (probably), but our efforts are sliding over to:

You can find it here. When the transfer is complete -- sometime in January, if all goes to plan -- all provider and screening info will be available on a single page tailored to your (major) city.

For the time being, though, you can still use our General Tips page to find local, regional, and national providers of free screenings in a long list of cities. Or check the 17 movies listed in our Specific Offers page, which covers the U.S. and Canada:

27 Dresses
The Bucket List
Cassandra's Dream
Cloverfield
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
First Sunday
How She Move
Mad Money
The Orphanage
Persepolis
Rambo
The Savages
The Spiderwick Chronicles
Strange Wilderness
There Will Be Blood
Untraceable
Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins

Crackin' wisdom

I don't have much to say about the Golden Globe nominations. Honestly, I was more curious about the TV nods than the film ones, and so I was thrilled to see rookies Mad Men and Pushing Daisies get multiple notices.

Still, I came across this article about how the writers' strike might affect next month's ceremony, and felt the need to extract a bit:

House actor Hugh Laurie alluded to the strike in statement to Usmagazine.com: "I have to emphasize how much I owe to David Shore and all the writers on House. Without them, I wouldn't even know how to finish this sentence without... you know..."

Brief, witty, and meta. How can you not love this guy?

Brevity goes bilingual?

Recently I learned that Google can help me inch ever closer to the Motherland, thanks to Blogger's new transliteration feature. (The Google Blog announces it here.) It automatically translates phonetically spelled Hindi phrases into Devanāgarī script. This way, I can properly convey my feelings when English just won't do.

Excellent! Now I just have to learn Hindi.

55 Fiction Friday speaks the international language... of math.

"Don't commit these acts without the courage to face the consequences. If you must turn the gun on yourself, why not do that first, limiting the body count to one? Knowing what you know now, who doesn't agree?"

The penitent speaker had their belated attention. It was a particularly well-attended lecture, especially for Hell.

The terrible twos

Celebrate! Brevity is 2 years old today. I even baked a cake:

They say we mold our children into our own image, right? (Sadly, that's not my effort. It's a very convenient contribution to the 2 year anniversary of Engadget. Photo pilfered from Slashfood.)

To my readers out there who are parents, I ask your advice. What once was cute in Brevity is now less so. Brevity's at that toddler age now, and a bit of a brat at that. Will I soon become annoyed with Brevity? Is it time to start thinking about a new blog? That way it will all be fresh and new again. I feel like Frances McDormand in Raising Arizona, who kept having new kids when her existing kids were too big to cuddle.

P.S. I'm actually NOT the type of person who would refer to his blog as his baby. I reserve the term for human infants, biological or adopted, or maybe a tiny monkey in a diaper.

55 Fiction Friday will catch up once the taxes are filed.

Story forthcoming. I have ideas and everything.

Better late than never

With the Oscars this weekend, I thought I'd finally finish my 2006 movie wrap-up, nearly two months after the fact. Not stale at all! You'll find it here.

As I'm promoting Brevity, the Advanced Screenings Guide lists specific offers for 300, Believe in Me, Beyond the Gates, Black Snake Moan, Dead Silence, Full of It, Gray Matters, The Hills Have Eyes II, I Think I Love My Wife, The Last Mimzy, The Namesake, Premonition, Pride, Reign Over Me, Shooter, Starter for 10, TMNT, Wild Hogs, and Zodiac. Is your city included? Take a look.

55 Fiction Friday is equally prompt.

It was board game night at the State Bar convention.

Naturally, all the international lawyers gravitated toward Risk.

Antitrust practitioners opted for Monopoly, while the defamation attorneys played Taboo.

Jenga was the choice of construction defect litigators; the admiralty lawyers, not surprisingly, immersed themselves in Battleship.

Curiously, everyone that night avoided the game of Scruples.

My funny valentine (2007)

Already the Internet's best

After just two weeks, Brevity can already claim to have the best Advanced Screening Guide on the web. Believe me, I've looked at other sites run with far more resources, and they don't compare.

I'll continue to update the General Tips and Specific Links pages as I collect more information. Right now I've found offers in various cities to these films: Amazing Grace, The Astronaut Farmer, Black Snake Moan, Breach, Bridge to Terabithia, Daddy's Little Girls, Full of It, Ghost Rider, The Lives of Others, Music and Lyrics, Norbit, The Number 23, Reno 911!: Miami, Starter for 10, Wild Hogs, and Zodiac.

Scroll through these pages to find sneak previews in your city. Suggestions are always welcome.

Making the cover (with rare photo!)

I have a few self-imposed rules when it comes to Brevity:

1. I don't write about work.
2. I don't write about my personal life.
3. When I link to a book title, I don't use the Amazon listing.
4. I don't quote song lyrics in their entirety.
5. I don't put YouTube or other video screens on the blog itself.
6. There are no pictures of me.

I'm bending that last rule to promote Making the Cover, a free tool provided by HP and the magazines of Time Inc. Upload one of your own photos into covers of Time, Entertainment Weekly, People, or Sports Illustrated. Crop the photo and add a headline.

As you can see, I opted for the last one. I'm about 2 years old there. Pink bats were very big in 1976.

I believe Making the Cover is being offered for free until the end of February, so take advantage while you can.

55 Fiction Friday is unrecognizable without all that guyliner.

He hid his business suits in his guitar case, and went to the office early to change. Every "jam session" was really a meeting, and a "gig" was usually some high profile merger. Strange that this was his bliss.

When he got home, he'd put on the stoned act again for his unsuspecting hippie wife.

A different kind of Oscar

I speak of Oscar Madison, esteemed law professor and author of the Columnist Manifesto. He brought a little academia to Las Vegas last weekend, and I had the opportunity to meet him.

Having met three Bay Area bloggers last summer and Accident Prone earlier this month -- and befriended Julie, K-lyn, and Quinn before Al Gore invented the blog -- I expected my initial contact with Prof. Madison to go smoothly. It did not.

Things improved later on, once we joined his wife, the elusive B. She makes an excellent negotiator, reducing us fist-pumping alpha males into decent gentlemen. With her wisdom, we were able to eat our steaks rather than wear them over, say, our black eyes.

I enthusiastically recommend his account of our meeting, "Why bloggers go to Vegas". He does a terrific job summarizing my life story. Readers, do yourselves a favor and read it. You'll learn a lot about me. I know I did.

Hook closer

(Author's Note: Something new at Brevity. Click on "Advanced Screenings Guide" to find general tips and specific links to Because I Said So, Breach, Ghost Rider, The Last Sin Eater, The Messengers, Music and Lyrics, Norbit, The Number 23, and Starter for 10. I'll add more movies and cities. Check back for updates.)

Where have the romantic comedy heroines gone? Julia Roberts is off having kids. Sandra Bullock is pursuing dramas. Meg Ryan is... well, I don't know. So who's stepping in to fill our quota of pratfalls? Jennifer Garner gives it a go in Catch and Release.

I see two problems in calling this movie a romantic comedy: I found it not very romantic and only occasionally funny. The film opens with Gray (Garner) in mourning when her fiancé dies during some outdoor bachelor trek, and the wedding day becomes a wake. Unable to afford the place they planned to live, she moves in with friends Sam (Kevin Smith) and Dennis (Sam Jaeger).

She comes into conflict with Fritz (Timothy Olyphant), a friend of her fiancé that she doesn't know as well. Naturally, he knows the dark secrets of the deceased; some massage therapist (Juliette Lewis) and her 4-year-old son enter the picture. May I just say: ugh. I think Olyphant always seems kind of skeevy, and I have no idea why filmmakers keep casting Lewis. No matter the role, she plays the same character: drugged, ditzy, and annoying.

I did like the film's use of Boulder, Colorado as its setting. While at times it felt like a Subaru commercial, the town looked terrific and real. I don't know if the movie will work tourist magic the way that, say, Mork and Mindy might have.

On a final note, I greatly appreciated the inside joke of having Kevin Smith's character frequently wear generic sports gear with the number 37. (It didn't escape my attention, Silent Bob.)

Pimp my write

The nomination process has begun for the Seventh Annual Weblog Awards, also known as the 2007 Bloggies. (I once had a case of the bloggies, but I took an antibiotic.) I've already submitted my choices, and I encourage others to do the same.

I must warn you: it's a popularity contest, even at the nomination stage. Only the most frequently nominated blogs make the long shortlist. That means that heavily linked and overexposed blogs will dominate, even in the category for Best Kept Secret.

The advantage, however, is that you may vote for the eventual winner in a few categories. This presents a unique opportunity to check out a few blogs that you may not encounter otherwise, and see how some creative individuals choose to design their pages.

Sometimes she flies down

It's really surprising that more bloggers don't visit me in Las Vegas. One brave soul made the trek over New Year's weekend: Mariam from Accident Prone. (Subtitle: "Sometimes I Fall Down.")

She called me Monday evening. after the festivities had died down, and suggested a rendezvous. I said "neato," checked my libido, and arrived on the Strip in a new tuxedo.

I won't attempt another He blogged/She blogged entry because she recounts the experience much better than I could. Go here. I figure into the last quarter of her story.

Finally!

I've waited 32 years, but now Time magazine has named me its Person of the Year. I'll admit I lost heart in recent years, as the less worthy were recognized, like Dubya (twice!) and Bono.

I may be biased, but this was the right choice. More importantly, it's the right time. Am I the only one who noticed that I receive this honor in Brevity's first full year? Of course not; the staff of Time noticed.

Even beyond Brevity, I made great strides this year. I did not lose an election. I never once went negative in a campaign commercial. I've made no anti-Semitic remarks. None of my foibles have been recorded on video and uploaded to the Internet. And I wore underwear when I was out in public.

As a final note, yes, I would have preferred that the magazine actually included my name instead of being vague about it. I'll be sure to e-mail the editors and request a correction.

If I could turn back time...

Probably will. Brevity's always had a loose relationship with time.

Things I should get around to covering:

• Marie Antoinette, The Prestige, Running with Scissors, Catch a Fire
• Books by Ken Jennings and Kevin Clash
• St. Louis, at the top of the baseball world and the list of America's most dangerous cities

I wanted to make another Halloween post about the happenings here in Vegas, but apart from a few Dennis Rodman appearances, there's nothing as scary as what happened last year.

Story 69 September

I have a deep, dark secret.

When it comes to stories with an exact word count, 55 Fiction is not the only kind I've ever written. Back in my previous bloglife, circa 2004, I wrote a few stories that had 14 additional words. Do the math, or read the title.

I'm not sure I'll ever be proficient at writing erotica (though I did get some positive responses to this heated 55), but it was fun to try. So I thought I'd republish my works in this new venue by staying alliterative and celebrating Story 69 September.

Finally, I'd like the more skittish readers to relax. My stories aren't graphic; actually, they're more funny than sexy. And after this brief interlude into Parental Advisory territory, this will be a PG-rated blog again.

This, ahem, was my first.

One maroon tie, carelessly single-knotted, hung on the
doorknob. This was no surprise -- Mark, my roommate,
had been dating Teresa for weeks. The steady rotation
of chain restaurants. Banal mixed tapes as daily gifts.
These were his moves.

Through the thin dormitory walls I could hear top 40
balladry on the stereo, and I knew. On the other side
was the most vanilla, trite rendition of sex ever.