Thursday, May 11, 2006

Gotta launder my karma

Karma is a funny thing. I won passes to an advance screening to Just My Luck, but decided to be unselfish and gave them away. I figured I'd spend Thursday night watching the season finale of My Name is Earl. Change of plans: in a serious upgrade, I attended a special Hollywood premiere. And, as luck would have it, I got to sit next to Hilary Duff -- the one person who'd best appreciate the fun of watching Lindsay Lohan's character suffer through a serious string of misfortune. It's already her favorite movie ever.

In lieu of a review, I offer some selected dialogue.

Neel: I have to ask: is this whole rivalry between you and Lindsay still about Aaron Carter?

Hilary: No. It used to be, but then we realized that neither of us really cared for him all that much. The tabloids kept it going because the love triangle thing appeals to readers.

Neel: So you get along now?

Hilary: Hell no! We're both very competitive people, and she bugs the crap out of me. After Aaron, we fought over who was the bigger Disney teen queen. Then she got all "mature"...

Neel: Meaning she grew up.

Hilary: Or out.

Neel: Or whatever. Then what?

Hilary: She started making out with what's his name. That 70's guy.

Neel: Right. He gets around, for some reason.

Haylie: I know! Isn't it weird?

Neel: Oh, Haylie, I didn't see you there.

Haylie: I'm not that short.

Neel: Hilary, you were saying?

Hilary: So when I leave Disney, everyone talks about how I'm copying her. I mean, hello? It's like totally the other way around. I put out an album, then she does.

Neel: Yeah, but Chad Michael Murray did your movie after he did hers.

Hilary: Total coincidence! They needed a WB actor who didn't look 30.

Haylie: I almost married him.

Hilary: Me too.

Neel: Me too. Moving on: whose crappy follow-up album came out first?

Hilary: (coughing)

Haylie: Want an Ice Breakers?

Neel: Seriously, with the product placement? And what's with the bulimic voices? Who thought up that stupid idea: you or Lindsay?

Hilary: Well, I think we both saw how well Brittany Murphy was doing.

Neel: I see. What did you think of the movie?

Hilary: I liked the part where Lindsay got electrocuted.

Neel: Who didn't? I got into the physical comedy because I couldn't understand a thing she said with that scratchy throat.

Haylie: The guy was cute.

Hilary: He was.

Neel: I saw him as the love child of Jason Bateman and Justin Bartha.

Hilary: Who?

Haylie: The movie didn't seem to be about luck at all -- it was really about karma, and how Lindsay's character lost her streak of good luck not because of some magic, but because she didn't use her abilities to do good things.

Neel: Interesting. Keep talking.

Haylie: Really? Okay. That scene where things go haywire in the laundry room -- it's like she washes her sins and atones for being such a self-centered...

Avril: Hey, shut up back there!

Hilary: Man! Every single time we go out.


Mike said...

Where were Mary Kate and Ashley?

Neel Mehta said...

On a "fun run" with Pete Doherty. I can't say more.

Angry Pregnant Lawyer said...

Great post title. Gonna have that song in my head all day....

Anonymous said...

ummmmmmmm this sounds soo fake are ou sure it was really happening? Did it reallty happen to you?

Neel Mehta said...

APL: Isn't it better than that stupid, omnipresent Daniel Powter song?

Anon: If you think this was a little too incredible to believe, take a look at Friday's post.