Thursday, January 19, 2006

Unspoken cashier chat

When it comes to my potential to make others laugh, the following list comes into play (most humorous to least humorous):

1. Childhood follies. I was a hilarious kid.
2. Funny thoughts left unspoken.
3. Adult follies. I'm not even trying.
4. Funny thoughts that I choose to share.
5. Jokes quoted from other people.
6. My pain. You dare laugh at my pain?
7. Jokes that I come up with.
8. Lists I make about my capacity for humor.

If you found something funny on this blog so far, chances are it's a #4. But this post is a rare opportunity to enter my mind and find a whole lot of #2.

As a cage cashier in Las Vegas, you briefly interact with a lot of gambling customers. Some want change. Some want to give you change. You check the IDs of some. You flirt with some. You ease the frustration of others. And you yell at nobody.

But in your head, you mock every single one of them. Choice unspoken comments:

"Wow, it's a real honor to meet you. And you grew it back! Hey, is Daryl Hall here, too?"

"Lucky money? What's that? I mean, you're getting money. Aren't you lucky?"

"We have some live music. Later tonight we have Purple Reign, a Prince tribute band. Do you hear that sound over there, kind of like a cat being strangled? That's Prince rehearsing now."

"I don't need to see an ID. Your receding hairline is proof enough of age."

"Actually, the front desk is on the side of the building. Yeah, it's stupid. No wonder they're closing this place down."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I don't know which of you was in line first. Mostly because I don't care."

"Wow, $200 worth of quarters! You must have done very well. Unless you're the type of person who fed the slot machines $500 to get this far, and judging by the looks of you, I think you are."

"Sure, I'll tell them.
(on PA system) Slot attendant to the Elvis machine. Thankyouverymuch."

"No, I haven't tried the surf buffet. I choose to live."

1 comment:

Chick Pea said...

a cage cashier.. cool! wow... was just in vegas in december.. if i had only known sooner would've dropped by with my bag of quarters.. (nahh..didn't gamble much...just a little roulette for 1o minutes.. tripled my money and walked off...)