Sunday, January 22, 2006

That old fossil

Cinematic news is a subjective thing, particularly when it comes to resurfacing talk about a third sequel to what I consider the greatest action/adventure movie of all time. It's been 17 years since the last one. You've teased us many times before. Should we believe you?

I choose not to believe. The original Star Wars trilogy left much to be told -- one could argue that more was needed after the six-film saga was complete -- but the Indiana Jones movies feel like a complete story. Also, Harrison Ford is 63. Sean Connery is 75. John Rhys-Davies is 62. Denholm Elliott and River Phoenix are dead. I could take or leave a fourth movie.

Still, I've learned this weekend that speculation can be fun. While I normally try to stay as far away from the fanboy world as possible, this list of suggested titles for the proposed film was hard to resist. It gets a bit redundant with the old person jokes after a while, but here are a few, uh, gems:

Raiders of the Social Security Lockbox
Indiana Jones and the Earring of Midlife Crisis
Indiana Jones and the Lost Roth IRA Account
Indiana Jones and the Early Bird Buffet
Indiana Jones and the Baffling Medicare Prescription Drug Plan
Indiana Jones and the Quest for the Golden Girls
Indiana Jones and the Last Hearing Aid Battery
Indiana Jones and the Temple Sinus Headache
Indiana Jones and the Jumped Shark
Indiana Jones and the Billy Joel Concert
Indiana Jones and the Tuesday Night Bridge Game... of DOOM

Also nice were a pair of taglines:

"The man with the hat is back, and this time he's bringing his bag. (Colostomy bag, that is.)"
"If adventure has a name, just leave it alone."

It's probably best not to click further and read their comments; fanboys are of one mind because they share a single brain.

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