Monday, January 02, 2006

The billionaire's love connection

(Author's note: This is the first of a few promised DVD extras of the year 2005. As with real DVD extras, some are of value, and others are pointless. I don't discriminate between the two.)

So much good advice came from our November fictional speaker that it was impossible to squeeze it all into one entry. The following is an example of the negotiating prowess of Jimmy James of NewsRadio, especially when it comes to matters of the heart.

JIMMY JAMES: Melanie, I'm single, you're single, what do you say we get married?
MELANIE SANDERS: Well, I'm glad you finally decided on the direct approach.
JIMMY: Well, I'm a businessman at heart.
MELANIE: As am I. What's your offer?
JIMMY: Single rich male seeks matrimony.
MELANIE: Primary residence?
JIMMY: Westchester County.
MELANIE: Would you be open to considering a secondary residence in Manhattan?
JIMMY: Central Park West?
JIMMY: Done. Time spent together?
MELANIE: 8 hours, 5 days a week.
JIMMY: 7 hours, 12 hours weekends.
MELANIE: 55 hours aggregate, specifics to be determined later.
JIMMY: I'm amenable to that. Children?
JIMMY: Three.
JIMMY: Done. But one of them has to be a male.
MELANIE: I'll see what I can do. Vacation?
JIMMY: December, Hawaii.
MELANIE: June, the Vineyard.
JIMMY: June, fine, but Hawaii.
MELANIE: Nope, the Vineyard.
JIMMY: Is that a deal breaker for you?
MELANIE: I'm afraid so.
JIMMY: Me too. Well, we gave it a shot.
MELANIE: I'm sure you'll find a better match.
JIMMY: Thanks for the time.


Angry Pregnant Lawyer said...

Re: your parenthetical intro, nothing involving the greatest sitcom of all time is ever pointless... says the woman who yesterday rewatched the Celebrity Poker season 2 finale between Maura Tierney and Lauren Graham (and Dave Foley) for at least the fifth time, just because.

Neel Mehta said...

I only saw a few minutes of that. I know Lauren Graham has been on Celebrity Poker Showdown more than once, but I keep managing to miss her.

I love me some Lauren Graham, and would totally bear her children, even if she'd rather have Marcia Cross in that role. How long must we wait before her season 4 work on NewsRadio makes it to DVD?